Jeeze, took long enough! I am still studying for my final tomorrow, so can’t write much now, but fuck if I’m not going to find a way to celebrate this weekend.

The pay is less than what I wanted, but the opportunity is very much worth it. A small (two people) advertising firm, fifteen minutes away (no freeway!!), and a chance to use my Photoshop skills. They were looking for someone who wanted to grow and hell yeah, I want to. No more dead-end front desk crap for me. Kick ass!

Next order of business, find a way to get Ash back to Southern Cali because five months is way too long for her to be without her mom. (holy cow, just checked airline prices…yikes!)

Concentration is going to be difficult tonight and tomorrow but really, I would still be smiling if I failed all my classes. A job, a jobby job that will get me out of this fucking house. Yes!

I am sooo very tired. Maybe not tired, so much as unable to get my ass going. Two days of popping the dreaded pills (no knee-jerk nausea reaction as before, only a hint of it) and all I can think of is water…water…and water. Of course, on two of the hottest days down here in Southern California.

But…aside from having to rest my head and eyes every ten minutes and drinking more water than I have in forever (that hydration pack needs to get here ASAP), it’s not so bad. I did get plenty of sleep last night, though perhaps, it was too much.

Regarding my medication and finally being able to afford it. I have to state how thrilled, ecstatic and giddy I was when the pharmacists told me my prescription was $4. Considering a month of lithium used to cost me a minimum of $40, usually closer to $50, I had difficulty in refraining from hopping the counter to give her hug. Damn, I would’ve paid twice that much ON insurance!
Additionally, right before I lost my insurance I found a doctor who I adored. Not only was the office all techie gadgety (weee, I felt right at home) he spoke to me like I was human, not some “thing” that needed to be coddled.  He was blunt, but asked for my thoughts on treatments, and even investigated things he admittedly wasn’t aware of (it is rare to have a doctor that knows of my family’s Stickler Syndrome).  When I last saw him he was hesitant to help me out with my lithium because he knew I would be losing my insurance and said the lab work would cost too much and he wouldn’t be able to continue to prescribe for fear of damage to my kidneys and liver. Also, he was afraid I’d start lithium but then not be able to afford them and then I would be making things worse for myself, going on and off lith, creating further issues. This made sense to me, but recently I realized it was worth paying for a visit, labs and meds to get “LEVEL” again (and level is still not without differences from the “norm”). So, thankfully, he is only $40 per visit. Not free, but not unbearable. He was also very kind enough to hook me up with a private lab that cost a fraction of what the gigantic corporation lab that most medical offices use. By paying in cash, I only had to pay $104 for complete chem work and two other labs. Nice! Sure, sounds like a lot, but considering I have no insurance, $150 is little pay for some sanity.

I realize most have little interest in what I just wrote, but for the fellow readers tied to their medication in order to function in this world, I thought it’d be helpful to share. Besides, saving money…is always a good thing in my dog-eared book.

I have my lithium, after forking over too much money for labs and a doctor’s visit, but dammit, I have my meds!

I don’t expect everything to be peachy now that I’m taking them again, but I certainly hope over time I’ll level out and each day won’t be such a struggle to survive.

Not much, minor update, I know but it’s better than nothing.  Now, back to the GIS theory and site stuff.  When I manage a breather I’ll be writing some more.

Oh my, if you were to look at my mood chart of the last two weeks you’d see what looked like a heart beat monitor. Today has been a peach compared to earlier this week, but who is to say how I’ll be tomorrow. My “things-to-do” and “people-who-annoy-me” lists have increased tenfold. My only vice is exercise and the little sleep I get…and the sun shining in my wide window during the day.

I haven’t written much about Ash lately because she’s still in Texas, I miss her more and more each day. And each day I feel less and less a part of her life and it kills me. We no longer have our conversations like before, no web cam goof ball sessions, which saddens me.  I feel like everyone thinks I’m an awful mother, but hell, I’m doing the best I can. No one seems to realize the reason Ash is with her dad so long is because I don’t want to be the mom that pitches a fit, that doesn’t cooperate or think of her own child before herself. So here I am, “cooperating”, thinking of Ash, but hell, I wish it could be all about me.