Just posting this here for my future reference as I’m still looking for some articles I thought I’d bookmarked last year.

Somerled Viking Roots

Tonight, I listen to music to keep the ringing ears at bay. Tonight, I fall, again, quicker than yesterday, harder than I recall in months. I suppose you could say I’m functioning, but I’ll never get used to the aftermath of my rapid cycling. Three days of seemingly endless bliss combined with demented and torturous descents is never benefitial. If only I could experience the glow worm affect on its own.

Music plays and my eyes close, stomach falls, a woosh of something, rememberence that what it is, is in the air around me. I never hear only music. I remember, I see, visualize moments, feelings. My breathing would make any doctor happy, released slowly, accompanied with tingles and chills.

I am not afraid of life, have not fallen so low as to consider leaving this world, yet I wake up each morning in wonder, question. Will today be a day I smile in the mirror, out the driver side window and in my chair at work, as a five year-old holding a secret? Or will a minute seem like an hour, each burst of anger, frustration, a fuel for later apologies?

The other day I stubbed my toe and fell into the bed, crying, cried, didn’t stop crying until nearly and hour later. Saturday I walked down Garnet Avenue, the slam of my car door reverb in the air, a drink or three hit the spots spot on, and an old friend was a fond memory.

Today, I fall, completely aware of what is happen yet see no reins, no damn fast forward button.

So I wait, I listen to an angry chorus, a passionate verse, engulfing beats, and entrancing harmonies. Music carries me through these cycles more than the air I breathe. I feel the end of the chemical wash, rinse, repeat arriving and I’m slowing down. Clink, clank, metal fasceners are more noticable but I will stop eventually, a few bits of change remaining.

I made it to San Diego, thanks to those who convinced me I don’t always have to do something with someone else. The drive there and back sucked donkey ass but the music alone was worth the I-5 traffic and constant blinking to keep the eyes lubed. Of course, I saw Darren and had a few moments to catch up, but not a whole lot to talk about. Still easy on the eyes as before, wearing a hat and an addictive grin.

I was thinking…how he’s still surrounded by his music as I’m engulfed in my art, even though it’s a different medium than in high school. Apparently there’s no fighting what’s in your bones, what passion resides within.

My camera was on the wrong setting and this is about all I could get from the ones I took, sorry no full shots. I had to get creative in Photoshop to get this visible as it is. Picture is of Darren wearing his hat sideways for the last song performed, “Country Ditty”.

Back to the band, The Bradbury Press. If you’re in San Diego, I highly recommend you catch them at the Canes bar tomorrow night, or in Long Beach…Oregon…anywhere along the rest of their West Coast tour as they completely rock. Most bands don’t quite carry the same sound as you hear on their albums, tweaked and mutilated to appease the radio wave masses. Definitely not of the norm, these guys not only sound like their recorded selves, but even better if possible. They performed a variety of songs from both their albums plus a couple of covers (Daughter & The Joker, wonderful choices and well executed). I was reminded of my other favorite group, Collective Soul, the only other performance I’ve been to that exceeded my expectations.

I mentioned I might catch them in Bakersfield on Wednesday but I’m not sure if I’ll be able to. Damn trip took a half tank of gas and mulah is a bit limited. If things look well, I just might, though. A bit of a drive, but when I have nothing else pressing to do besides enjoy a Wednesday night without Ashleigh, it’s always a possibility.

On a slightly to the side note yet sorta related, I saw an actual jackass (as apposed to the figurative one). Ya know, a good ole donkey. I had just dropped Ash off and on my way to the freeway there was this kid further down the road trying to budge a donkey and getting nowhere. It is possible such a thing is a normal occurrence for others, but the only thing on my mind was Donilyn and I driving around the University District with the red devil mask screaming “Jackass!!!” (mind you we were pissed when that damn show came out because it cheapened the word). Not quite a National Geographic photo opportunity but would’ve been a snap loaded with memories if I’d remembered I had my damn camera sitting on the seat next to me.

I am now itching’ to get back to a club, bar, something. Not as often like pre-Ash, but more often than the current “once every six months”! I enjoyed the music, my time away from the daily chaos, a few drinks, and the San Diego air. I really should get out more often.

Now excuse me, my damn jaw hurts, time to go to sleep and wake up with the birds and toddler at 7 no matter the Sunday designation.

The jaw hurts from smiling for three hours, people, smiling. Sheesh.

Mark the calendar, today was the day I looked up at work and said “I don’t have anything to do, is there something I can do to help?”

Apparently John and I have done something right with Ash these first three years…

I was sitting here trying to ignore the throbbing headache and Ash was babbling away on the couch. Topic of the moment was going out to eat even though I never brought it up and it’s definitely not happening today.

So Ash was rambling and doing the thinking out loud bit and I hear “we should go out tonight mom”….long pause “maybe Hooters or something” and she looked at me grinning.

That’s my girl!

I’ve been single for six months. In those months I have discovered how boring and dull I’d become, so used to the every day life of well, living, I had forgotten what it was like to be my previous self.

There are a few steps needed to bring myself out of hiding and I’ve gradually taken them over the past few months. Some new additions to my wardrobe have appeared in my closet, anything but the same ole’ same ole’ blah as before, and a great bost to my confidence. I even cut six inches from my hair recently and went so far as to purchase a curling iron to create a little somethin’ somethin’. All may seem so minor to others but for me to do these things it’s a big deal. Especially since Southern California was lacking in the sun department, anything to keep my spirits smiling is a good thing.

This morning, on a quick break from work, I made a tiny purchase, a cellphone faceplate, to spunk up the necessary article of contact. I was jonesin’ for some stripes but the local store only had the blue and pink plaid. Definitely different for me but hey, what the hell, a lady needs a bit of pink in her life.

I did manage to find a nice striped seat cover for my “new” car, Junior, only slightly lessening the financial sock to the gut. I still need to put the plates on, but I’m gradually making the car my own. What is sad is my 1993 Mazda Protege has more power than the 2004 Nissan Sentra rental I was driving for three weeks. I love the power of a Mazda…feels very much like the one I had before.

I don’t plan on remaking myself, just livening up some to make the few hours of each day I have a tad more perky and enjoyable. This morning I looked in the mirror and for the first time in a while I smiled; I am happy. All the stupid annoyances and inconveniences in my life can’t take that away.

Ashleigh and I now share a one-bedroom apartment. Share isn’t exactly the word, as we’re constantly tripping over each other, toys, school books, paperwork, anything really that isn’t put away. Apparently we’re both used to have plenty of extra space and this is going to take quite some time to get used to. This is why I wasn’t exactly too fond of the roommate idea as well…I like my space.

At least my body doesn’t ache from the move anymore. I was actually surprised when it only took the usual two days for the comlete body pain of overexerting myself to subside. My bruises and scrapes are healed for the most part but I’m still concerned about this lil’ bump below my knee cap. It’s sticking out more than usual yet doesn’t hurt, so not much I can do at the moment. Seems odd but if I don’t look at it I’m not too bothered.

To improve the mood some, at last, I finally get to pick up my car today. I don’t like the reality that I’m paying more for the transmission than the car is worth but I have yet to discover any other options. Rental car prices suck donkey ass as well, but somehow I’ve managed to squeeze it out. I just want to get through the day without wondering what’s going on, will I be able to get enough money, is my car ready, and so on. I hate the unknown and this last month has consisted of only that.

Here’s a digital layout I did this last weekend before I subjected myself to two days of moving torture (more on that another time).

I couldn’t resist this photo but I’m still amazed how much older she looks. And yes, that gleam in her eye is probably from the money she’s holding in her hands.

As if I don’t have a nasty enough phobia of these guys, I stumble across a very descriptive and graphical write up on spiders and their sexual positions. Nice. Good thing I wasn’t trying to catch up on my anthropology reading while at work!

Spider Kama Sutra

A very nicely written post, and while I’m quite aware they have a purpose in this world, I just have a bit about spiders and the fact they leave countless bites when they discover me. Waking up with a cluster of bites inches from your cooter is not a comforting thought.