Mercury Insurance can pretty much suck my non-existent cock. Fuckers are dragging their asses, nevermind need to wake up out of their drunken stupor. Gah, of course, our claim is assigned the one person that is going on vacation (yeah right) and can’t even speak.

Sigh. Here’s hoping the laywer will get the whip crackin’.

I hurt. Lordy, do I hurt. Ya know that feeling you get when you work yourself just a bit too much at the gym, but don’t realize it until you’re done? And you don’t feel it much the next day but it’s the second day after that you’re just dying? Well, that’s me, today. Except I wasn’t at the gym and I feel like I did ten times my usual ab work…or someone socked me one in my gut. Oy. No bruises to be seen but my stomach and chest are killing me, in addition to my neck, constantly reminding me how much effort it really takes to hold this big head of mine up.

At least the insurance company of the person at fault will be open tomorrow. I sure hope I’m able to get that rental car as my decline in independence is really beginning to drag. And something really has to be done about this pain. A visit to get checked out will most likely happen during this week, and while I’m not particularly excited about x-rays and all that good stuff, the last thing I need is another part of my body a permanent addition to my list of pains.

I hope everyone is having a wonderful holiday with their families or friends, whatever your choice companions are for this time of the year.

A cold Eve in Southern California and
I can no longer attempt
to hide the overall feeling of
loneliness.
The usual white noise
of vehicles upon the roads
is faint and
no matter the fuzzy fleece socks
or layers of clothing
there is a chill
around me
not singularly from the cool air.
-self

There’s only so much I can do to keep my mind from recognizing that I am alone, on a day when so many others have their…others with them. The usual online chatting and phone calls are at a minimum and I realize how much of myself desires companionship, the sharing of a festive time. A shared smile, laughter, snuggles…all nonexistent as of tonight.

I am not sad, I am happy, I can smile and do so, but I am lonely.

Well, that was fun. Yeah. Spending four hours in the cold ass weather after getting hit in a car accident wasn’t exactly my idea of a fun evening but I didn’t really get a choice tonight.

My car…no more. Not completely totaled, but not drivable and most likely the insurance of the one at fault will consider it totaled. But ugh, four hours? I had no idea it took that long to take care of a car accident. Then again, there were four cars, two tow trucks and two officers…and damn, my neck hurts.

There is something positive out of this and that is Ashleigh wasn’t with me, even though I had the natural reaction to check in the back seat to make sure she was okay. Thankfully, she’s out of town with her dad until New Years, so it was just me getting banged around in my car. (damn seat was broken!)

I’m heading off to bed. After standing on a median in Temecula for hours on end in the cold all I want to do is snuggle under my covers. And hope this Advil kicks in mighty quickly.

Yet another semester has passed and I squeaked out alive somehow. While I’m not too thrilled with my Art History and Cultural Anthropology grades (C for both), I am completely and utterly thrilled about my other two courses.

Math. Ah, the hated and despised Elementary Algebra. You could tell where in the book my brain stopped thinking “cool, I got it” and changed to “I don’t get it”. If you were to look at my scores from last semester and this one…oy, that book was painful. But alas, I am done with that idiotic book that gave me more headaches than I could pop Advil for. Yup, that’s right, I snagged a C in the nasty ass class and thankfully won’t have to repeat it, for my third try. I honestly feel the teacher felt pity for me, either that or just wanted to get rid of me. Because no way in hell did my points for the semester add up to the usual percentage. Talk about a grading curve!

Not like I’m complaining, oh no. I did a nifty lil’ dance when I saw my grade, and then laughed for quite some time. Why was it so funny? Just the day before I stopped by my school to fill out a petition to repeat the course. When both the adviser and enrollment clerk questioned as to whether I would really need it since grades weren’t posted, I vehemently stated there was NO way I’d receive a C even if I’d managed a A on my final. Yeah, well, thanks teacher for proving me wrong.

The last class of mine, World Civilization to 1500? Yeah, the one I nearly dropped when I was suffering through my ten page midterm, the class I was cursing as I wrote a five page paper on the Vikings? Uh huh…A on the midterm, A on the paper and yup, A on the 8 page final that I did in TWO hours. Holy cow. An A in a class. Woo hoo! In HISTORY of all subjects. Crazy. But I am lovin’ it!

Now excuse me while I go enjoy my sans child days and read my new book under the snuggly covers, not because I have to, but because I WANT to. I’m already to the fourth chapter and and absorbing every word.

I received an A for my Vikings paper. Man, that documentation was a bitch but at least my teacher rewarded all my effort (and quickly, too). Woo hoo!

I’m here, doing okay, just busy, busy, busy. My last final is this Wednesday and I’ve been cranking out a paper on the Vikings, squeezed in a trip to Pasadena to visit the Norton Simon Museum for my Art class, and working.

I’m nervous about my History and Anthropology exams but oh well, not much more I can do. Just study and hope to all hell I remember something of importance when it comes time to fill up the blue books.

I did find out last Wednesday after my anthro class that I can register for a special projects in anthropology and work with my current teacher on something. I’m excited, especially since I was pretty bummed no other anthro class was available during the evenings (at least not one I hadn’t taken). Sounds like he’ll be open to working on any anthro topic but I’m thinking evolution in some way, though I’m sure there are sooo many aspects to read up on.

On that note, I can’t wait…getting all antsy in my shorts (thank goodness the heat is back) because I get to hold this book in my hands come Wednesday. Woo hoo! Should be for some interesting reading over my winter break.

Okay, back to paper writing mode…don’t expect to hear from me until after my finals. If I haven’t replied to a comment it’s because I deleted all my emailed comments in the process of clearing my inbox of over 700 pieces of comment spam. I’ll get to ya…once school is out.

I love my job. Not so much I would do it for the rest of my life but enough to actually look forward to it when I wake up. I love that it’s a job I can leave at the office with no reason for me to be thinking about it at home (except for now as I write).

I stare at and work with numbers all day and my brain is happy. It may hurt a little when we’re trying to figure out why some idiotic entry happened months before my time, but I like the investigation, the hunt for an answer. I suppose this may get old after time, but I will absorb all excitement while it exists.

The pay check doesn’t hurt, either. Not as much as I’ve made in the past but it’s money…it’s my money. Mine! Such a fulfilling thought.

What a jumble,
my thoughts,
anticipation,
relief
and engulfing despair.
Emotions do their best
at controlling,
yet I fight,
pointless in this empty room,
alone.
Manufactured chemistry
only removes
the uncontrollable,
and reality remains,
subdued,
still in existence.
-self