I am very, very excited about my newest venture into digital scrapbooking. Cashewstyle is going well, and I’ve already had multiple purchases/downloads of my Quick Kits. Woo hoo! I am having a blast working on these digital scrapping kits!

Now, I just need to figure out how to do the passworded downloads for the store. I don’t want it automated (well, only if I KNOW it’s secure, but I just don’t know), but I want to be able to have a different password given to each person who purchases the item, and it only works for one download. Anyone know how to do that? I can’t seem to find what I’m looking for when searching online.

AH! I’ve actually made money from this hobby and it looks like I’ll be upping my domain storage (Candi will be happy). People are even interested in purchasing CDs of these kits! Anyone know of a place I could have these made for low cost so I’m not stuck burning each one? Hmmm.

My mind is just going, going, going…and I am LOVING it!

PLEASE check your site in Firefox before thinking your design is all spiffy and done. Belieeeeve me, many of them are not. I’m not sure what the problem is, as I have a harder time getting layouts to look good in IE, not Firefox, but whatever.

I suppose I’m a tad irritable today.

Because I can’t sleep and because money is always good (even a few bucks), here are two scrapbook items I have up for sale on ebay:

Lasting Impressions Senti-Metals (Friends)
Making Memories Eyelet Words (Emotions)

Once again, $1.00 shipping, with the second item only $0.25.

I suppose I should go sleep now.

That is all.

Today is not a good day. It’s been bad, very bad, and I just want to go hide in a corner and cry…and cry and cry. John is golfing with his brother so I won’t get any form of a break until 8ish and I needed one at 10AM this morning.

I’m about ready to put the gate up to keep Ash in her room, but then I’d have hear her screaming.

And she insists on watching this dorky-ass show on Toon Disney, even though it’s for older kids. I think she can tell it’s driving me bonkers.

So, I put together a site during one of last weeks’ cycles. It’s at cashewstyle.com, where I’ve been uploading all my scanned scrapbook pages. Now, I’ve added an area for free papers and elements for digital scrapping, and as soon as I get to it, a section to purchase some higher resolution items and paper sets. Even if it’s only a couple bucks a month extra, it’ll help, but we’ll see if it goes anywhere. Me and my manic delusions of thinking I can accomplish anything.

I can’t wait until we move. Yeah, I’ll love the new place, but I’m really looking forward to NOT hearing Ash yelling “Natalie!” from the porch all fucking day. It’s cute, yeah, she has a friend, but sheesh, she just doesn’t get it when Natalie isn’t out on the porch. That’s a toddler for ya, still thinking the world revolves around them.

Still moody here, just more of the “I feel like crap” stuff. Ashleigh doesn’t seem to understand the concept of “mommy needs to lay down, my tummy feels yucky, my head hurts”. I think she’s louder today than she has been all week. And now she’s collecting every single thing her neighbor friend has been tossing down from her porch. Great. Now I actually have to remember to return these to her mom. One more thing to do.

So. I didn’t back down and just forget about things. No, I had to step up and decide to not only do something someone else could do, but push myself and do it multiple times. Yes, I know, I’m nuts.

Here’s four computer generated scrapbook layouts I did…in the last two days. Two of them were done within four hours and if you look at them in order it’s as if you can see my brain going “ooooh, I GET it now”.

-Backyard Buddies
-a perfect Fit
-Our little Princess
-Hospital Portrait

No, no, I don’t have other shit to do. Yeah. I hate it when my mind clicks on something…and just won’t go anywhere else. My focus is only on one thing right now and it’s growing in intensity.

Some days I feel maybe I’m trying too hard and it’s all to be invisible. I feel like I used to feel, smiling my smiles at the meetings, dressed up in clothes I despised, trying to keep my glasses from slipping down my nose, and just wishing I could be at home, away from it all. One of the many reasons I hate the JW meetings was the feeling of “will someone talk to me today?” I never understood how I could be nice to people and get ignore or laughed at, or worse yet, the fake “smile because she caught my eye across the hall and I should acknowledge her” smile. Gah. Why do I remember these feelings so vivid?

I try so hard to remind myself that I do everything I do because I want to, to make me happy. Unfortunately I can’t help but feel like I’m doing it for show, to “prove” myself to others, that I can be like them, be happy, be whatever, just “one of them”. This is so stupid. I’m 27 and I’m acting like a teenager. Or least I feel like I am.

It’s hard not to be offended when all I want to do is just enjoy having friends, enjoy being apart of a group, to have something in common with people for once.

Maybe I should just go back into my self-induced hole and survive on my own creativity, my overwhelming brilliance.

Or maybe I’m just on a delusion-inducing something of some kind.

Here’s a couple quick videos of Ash swimming the other day:

Swimming with Fanoodles and More swimming

I have become spoiled with my use of Firebird, and now Firefox. I nearly forgot to check a site I’m working on in IE and I’m glad I did. Dude, that browser is so fucking retarded!

I remember the days when sites looked great in Internet Explorer but all wonky in Netscape or any other browser. Now, I have no problems in Firefox, Opera, Netscape, but am fighting some stupid quirks in IE. Gah, bad browsers must be banished!

I’m so angry at the world today and have no idea why. It’s really frustrating, irritable one day, happy and perky the next, and now angry. I’m fighting it, I really am, but my head is screaming at me to ignore the “be nice to people” voice.

Ash and I are off to “go bye-bye” to hopefully get my mind off this crap.

If anyone was interested, I finally got around to taking those pictures of the scrapbooking tote. Information and pictures can be found here: CIS Tote for sale

The quality isn’t that great but at least it’s some video. I think it’s been nearly two years since the last video of her, so deal with it. Silly me remembered I have some video capabilities on my camera, though it’s not as good as our previous web cam. Ash playing outside with a neighbor friend (47 seconds)

Wow, I sure woke up in a shitty mood. I have no idea why, but I don’t recall being so irritable for no reason in a long time. I feel like throwing stuff and screaming until I collapse in the middle of the floor. Woah.

We no longer wonder if Ashleigh understands Tivo. Just now she said she was horny (hungry) and wanted some chillin (chicken). So John was taking a minute to get up to zap a couple in the microwave and she says “Pause it, pause it”.

Apparently all the times I’ve said “Pause it” while getting up to take care of Ash did not go unnoticed. Oh, what impressionable minds toddlers have. At least it’s something useful. There are many other phrases we say that’d she could pick up and this one is definitely a better selection. Now if she could just learn to play her game without fucking up my computer things would be spiffy.

I hate mentioning politics outside of my comfort zone with John but this subject pisses me off. The changes Sen. Gil Cedillo, D-Los Angeles, made to the licenses for illegals isn’t enough, and I hope Governor Schwarzenegger sees it that way, too. Those who break the law should NOT be rewarded. Period. Gah, I feel like my head is going to explode. It’s not racist to want people to actually come into the US legally in order to get a license. It’s fucking common sense.

Jeeze, I didn’t care (much) about politics until I moved to California. At times I wish I could be one of those oblivious fools out there but I just can’t. I live here and damn if I’ll just let shit happen without at least writing a letter.

Okay, done now.

Summer has officially begun in my eyes when I’ve cut up my first watermelon. Of course, if I don’t make a huge mess it’s just not the same.

Oh yes, and this one is very, very good. I love my watermelon.

Some of my favorite photos ever are up on Ashleigh’s site. There are quite a few for May, but the photos from La Jolla (Mothers Day) are most of them. I just love all the shots I took and can’t wait to go back and take more. This is when I really enjoy living in California (never mind that it was almost 100 degrees yesterday).

Some additional good news about school. I swore I was going to fail Math but I managed to squeeze by with a D. Not bad! So, at least I got some credit this time, even though I have to retake it in the Fall (need to have C or better to move on to the next class and then eventually into Statistics).

Also, I’ve already registered for the Fall semester and was able to get all four classes I wanted. Math again, World Pre-History (with my previous Anthro teacher, is part of the Anthro program), Art Appreciation (found out last month I took the wrong art class for transferring to UCR), and World Civilization up to 1500. I used to think I hated history, but have discovered it’s just the US government history that bores me.

Ashleigh is grooving to “Save a horse, ride a cowboy” and actually singing the corus. Oh lordy.