Just sharing the fact that a new layout for Ashleigh’s site is up. I’m pretty proud of myself, as I used all CSS in designing, plus finished the whole thing in less than 24 hours. There are still some quirks in Netscape (of course) that I’m tweaking with, but other than that, it’s ready to go.

Somehow, we made it through this last week. I had a big entry ready to post before heading out to John’s parents’, but gotta love a kid’s ability to chose the wrong time to attack the keyboard. It’s probably better that happened, as I was furious with John at the time and wanted to throw up, so my mood wasn’t exactly positive.

The trip to the mountains for Christmas was tiring. Granted, it’s pretty pathetic I had to move to California to have a white Christmas, but it was a treat to see the snow. The rain we’d received at home which created the lake in our playground, gave Frazier Park around four inches, and the higher mountains even more. I kept telling myself to take a picture of the snow, but I was so stressed and tired (will explain) I never got around to it.

Ashleigh chose the most inopportune time (as children always do) to experience her first case of separation anxiety. Not only did she HAVE to be in the same room with Mommy, she HAD to be within arms reach. This meant either grabbing my butt by the pants, clinging to my ankles, or, most frequently, behind held. Ugh. The first night we had a total of three hours sleep. Ash cried in the play pen, had a hissyfit in the bed with us, and only fell asleep with John in the recliner as I caught three hours myself.

The hardest part was her inability to take a nap without us holding her. Not just to fall asleep, but for the entire nap. Definitely not like my usual Ash Plus, my little girl, aka, Belly, probably only ate a day’s worth of food during the entire trip. This was courtesy of her sudden change in attitude regarding feeding with determination to push all spoons away, and throw anything on the floor.

Add to all of this, the wonderful what-I-thought-was-a-24-hour-bug-turned-into-a-three-day-crappola-thing. Sunday, the day before we left, I was in bed almost all day, unable to even lift Ashleigh, unable to keep anything down. The next two days I had maybe two full meals, some Gatorade, and a lot of dizzy spells. I just wanted to go back home. The only reason I stayed up there was the fact Ash was experiencing her first Christmas (last year she was sleeping in a stocking), and well, I didn’t want to be rude to John’s parents. Oh, I almost forgot - because I was so sick and dehydrated, I didn’t take my Lithium(would dehydrate me even more), so Momma was just a wee bit snappy with everybody.

All of the above mentioned, and I’m still alive. Ashleigh was much more enthused about her presents and unwrapping them than at the previous family party. She eventually separated herself from my lap the day before we left, and blessed us by finally sleeping in the play pen that night. Thankfully, Ash was back to normal as soon as we arrived home, running around the apartment as if checking to make sure it was all still there. All the crap of the week was worth it, though, to see my daughter digging into the presents, and running towards me with a huge grin and fistfuls of wrapping paper. She rocks.

My doctor finally called me today with my cervical biopsy results. She had said it’d take two weeks for the results but I don’t think she realizes how difficult two weeks can be. That, and she waited even three more days until calling.

Everything is fine. Well, not “perfect” but nothing that won’t be taken care of next month. I guess the doc is gonna freeze some abnormal cells and that will be that. Fun, fun.

I tried not to consider the possible results, these last couple weeks, since there was no point in freaking out if it was nothing, and well, no point in freaking out of it was something, because there wasn’t a thing to do. So when she said “precancerous” on the phone all I could say was “huh?” Of course, she reassured me they’re benign, nothing big, we’ll take care of it. But my mind was still stuck on the second half of the word.

I know I’m okay, but I let me mind dwell on the concept that precancerous could’ve turned into cancerous if I wasn’t so on top of things with getting my paps every year. Scary shit.

And now I’m reminded of Oprah talking about getting results of her biopsy on the say day and how I just wanted to tell her to fuck off, try waiting more than two hours, lady, then see how you relate to your guests.

Funny, how I’ve always said I didn’t really want anymore children, that Ashleigh was plenty enough. It wasn’t until this whole issue was running through my mind and I thought “what if I can’t have anymore?” That’s just not something a woman should be thinking about.

Here’s some pictures from the brief birthday celebration the family had last Saturday.

I have so much more to say but today is going to be very busy, what with my directing final project due tonight. I’m sure I’ll get all reflective and all that stuff later on. We did sing “Happy Birthday” to Ash this morning, but of course, she is clueless.

One year ago today I was calling my doctor because I was tired of leaking.

Apparently I’m not the only one who thinks this Winnie the Pooh Baby’s First Friend looks like a baby Pooh on crack. The first words out of John’s 16-year-old nephew were “looks like a crack Pooh to me”.

Now, please, no one get all offended and claim I’m insulting all those poor kids who have no choice they’re born addicted to crack. I’m not. I just opened this present for Ash at the family party last night and the first words on my mind were “dude, that thing’s on crack”.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s kinda cute, and is a really soft fleece, but I just don’t think the older Aunt Susie was thinking crack when she picked this out.

Okay, I usually don’t mention this stuff on here, but we’re pretty broke, so here goes. I have an autographed Fender guitar signed by the bands Collective Soul and Fastball up for auction. I hate to get rid of it, but like I said, we’re pretty low now and I’m doing the scouting for things to sell bit.

Just let someone know about it if they might be interested. Collective Soul is one of my favorite bands, and there must be some others out there somewhere.

Anyhoo, go see.

UPDATE: Woo hoo! The guitar sold. Not for as much as we really needed, but considering I won the thing, not bad. Enough to help us out moneywise.

I have never been a very good public speaker. Not even a mediocre one. I suck at it and I hate it. If given a choice of presenting a project in front of the class or spending extra hours at home on a written paper, you can bet your butt cheeks I’ll be planted in front of my computer.

Needless to say, this whole issue has roared again thanks to the hardest elective class ever. Child, Family, and the Community needs to be clarified a LOT MORE in the damn college catalog. Ugh.

So that mid-term paper that was due way back when? I ended up turning it in three weeks late. The requirements said 10 pages, Intro, History, Current Trends, Expectations, and Bibliography. Hmm, my paper came to seven pages I think, with not a word under History, and a bs’ing two sentences for the expectations. The crazy thing, I managed 190 out of 300. Not bad for not giving a shit.

I turned that paper in thinking it was all done, we’re moving on to some stupid thing that I disagreed with yet again. Oh no, not so lucky. Our final project is based on our mid-term paper! You can only imagine the expletives and hissyfit I had when I got home that night.

The good thing is the two people I was paired with feel the same way I do about the paper, project, AND the teacher. So, at least we’re on the same wavelength here. The bad thing is because this is a group project, I can’t cop out of the presentation tonight. Well, I could, but then I would feel beyond crappy.

That didn’t stop me from running excuses through my head from Monday until now. I considered using Ashleigh as the ultimate reason (amazing how they come in handy sometimes), or claim I was sick. Great ideas, until I realized I had the project folder with me at home. Crap. Can’t get out of it now.

And this sucks. My stomach has been queazy all day, and I get lightheaded every time I think about sitting up there in front of the class. Ugh, blech, I just want to croak. We agreed on Monday that we’d go first so we could get it out of the way, and when we’re done, I am GONE. Out of that class for good. They meet next week, but screw it. I’ll be happy if I get a D in this class (though last I checked I was getting a B-…again, not bad for not giving a shit).

Now, I must go and work on my final project in Premier. I realize I do my best work under pressure, but I’ll never understand why I do stuff like putting off a two-minute video for over a month and start working on it two days before it’s due. I guess everyone has to have their talents.

Thanks to finally owning a digital camera, there are now tons of Ashleigh pictures up on her site for this last month.

When a trip to WalMart or Target is what I look forward to, something is wrong. Even worse, when I’m heading out on my precious trip and slip on the mud and fall on my ass and I nearly break down, something must change.

I can’t help it, getting excited about going shopping…by myself, NO ASHLEIGH. It’s like the forbidden drug you want and need so badly or you get these crazy withdrawal symptoms. John just doesn’t get it. I almost gave up earlier, after convincing him to watch her and then falling. Yeah, that’s an ego booster, especially with all the neighorhood brats cackling at me. But after taking a shower, I made it. And I took advantage of every minute alone.

It’s amazing how interesting things are when you don’t have an eleven-month old escaping like Hudini from the cart buckle or throwing her cup of milk just hard enough to cause the never-to-discover-where-it’s-coming-from leak. Oooh, fuzzy slippers, wow, two sodas for a buck, cooool, look at all the Christmas decorations I don’t need because we have no tree. It’s a whole new world.

Yeah, I’m one of those who has all of the Christmas presents either mailed out or ready to be mailed. Makes me sick, but feels pretty good, though. I love giving gifts, and can’t help it. I’m so excited about this holiday season, as I’ll be celebrating it with John and his whole family. Talk about different. It’s usually just me, my sister, and my nephew, and only for the past three years. Hopefully next year they can come down to California for the holidays and we’ll have the big tree with all the decorations I drool over. I plan on hitting Target the day after Christmas to get what I can for the least amount (scored on wrapping paper last year for 25 cents a roll).

Going for now, but much more to say. A lot has been happening, seeing as how I’ve been too busy to write shit for ya. That’s good and bad, of course.