I’ve finally had some time to put up a few more pictures of Ashleigh. Not many, but will tide you over until the next round. The last eight.

Well, scratch that, back to looking for a job. I don’t even need my bi-polar crap to have ups and downs, I just need to live my life. *snort*

The last two weeks were two of the most relaxing, stress-free, comfortable and fun weeks I’ve had at a job, ever. A wonderful place, and it looked promising. A shame the CEO and President didn’t bother to tell my boss until the day I was let go that they didn’t see my position as something needed, or what they wanted. Not too sure, really, but it was made very clear it had nothing to do with job performance. Sure going to miss my boss, because he made the whole interview process easy for me, and he was just plain fun.

Anyhow, I cried on the way home yesterday, got it out, and have been pretty bitchy since. Doing my best to remain positive, but well, just a tad bit difficult at the moment. Not even thinking about the job hunt until I open the ads tomorrow morning.

At least now I can catch up on my sleep for a while. This last week was pretty tough, and it hit me, as I was finishing up an assignment, twenty minutes before it was due (thank goodness school is close), that maybe, just maybe, I’m pushing myself a little too hard. But then I remembered how long it took me to get back to school, so I have to stick with it. Heh, and the financial aid is a very helpful bonus, too. Wish there was a way to stretch it enough so I didn’t have to work. Oh well.

Ash said mama yesterday and has not stopped saying dada all day today. She is also walking along our coffee table, couches, and us, without a problem. Scary. Next step is walking and I am NOT ready yet. She can take her sweet ass time, and things will be spiffy.

Not much more to say, really. Pretty blah lately. Except for the extreme plummet my life and moods took yesterday day, but that’s to be expected. I’ve been tempted to take a little more Lithium today, but the thinking side of me realizes I shouldn’t, and blah blah blah.

Just can’t get the thoughts onto the screen today. Maybe another time.

I know she had no idea what was going on, but when I picked up Ashleigh and started singing “momma has a jo-ob, momma has a jo-ob” she was laughing and smiling with me. Yup, I am going to be a working mom this coming Monday. How I’m going to manage working and going to school full-time and Ash, I don’t know, but like John said, I will figure it out because I have to. Nice to know he has confidence in me with no question.

As always, John was right, and things happen for a reason. I didn’t get the job in Escondido, over thirty minutes away, because I was supposed to get this one, just a fifteen minute commute. Can’t beat that. Especially since I’m so used to and hour or more commute on the bus when I was in Seattle. This is going to be refreshing.

Off to go figure out a topic for my Child, Family, and Community class term paper. My teacher said to pick something about parenting…which kinda leaves it wide open. She even suggested discipline, but I told her she really didn’t want me to go there, lol. Anyhow, lunch and research time, so catcha later. Btw, any suggestions on the topic would be VERY helpful.

Oh, btw, could someone please tell me when the falling and bonking the head thing ends? Ashleigh has hit her head so many times this week and it has just begun. She’s started to look at me like it’s my fault and it just kills me. Isn’t there some type of two-inch bubble I can place her in for the next two years?

I believe I mentioned before how much I just love writing cover letters. Bah. The apartment is pretty damn clean due to my wonderful ability to find something else to do besides what I need to do. Sigh.

So I plug them out, doing the right thing, customizing each and every letter to the position. Still, each one is so different and not one bit easier. Okay, the one I did last night at 11:30PM flew across the screen, but only because I had such passion for the job I was applying for.

It is that one which I have my heart on, though I’ve learned in the past week not to get my hopes up. This job search process is so very daunting, yet each quick response, phone conversation becomes encouragement on a gloomy road. I keep saying “I won’t get my hopes up, I can’t county on this one” yet I still do. A part of me needs to, or I would never make it so far as sending the resume and cover letters out. I wouldn’t have spent twenty minutes walking up and down a Staples aisle before picking the paper and envelopes I wanted representing me.

And like many of you know, it is far from easy. My body freaked when one employer mentioned he had seen my site. While I’m not quite as childish as I was two years ago, with utter nonsense and craziness across the pages, I don’t exactly hold back on what I’m feeling. John even wondered how his seeing my site would affect my chances, until I made a point. Yes, this specific position is exactly what I would like, but if my writings and honest feelings become a determining factor on whether or not I’m hired, then so be it. I don’t think I would enjoy, nor thrive, working at such a company, where self-expression is not desired or accepted. Considering he saw it before calling me and wished to have an interview at the office, I have a feeling it won’t be an issue.

On to school life. First, I am enjoying the evening classes, as they last no more than two hours (where I’d be stuck in them for the full three during the day). Obviously, the teachers want to be at home as well. Not going to complain here.

I miss putting Ashleigh to sleep each night, but I am also enjoying the break from her at the same time. She drives us both crazy sometimes, but the few hours I have when I’m not closing doors to rooms or hiding shoes from a mischievous, crawling machine are just what I need. Oh, and the adult interaction is a wonderful change. Granted, I’ll discuss (one-sided of course) with her whatever site or letter I’m working on but it’s just not the same. The blank stare then toothy grin says it all.

So life has become a bit complicated lately. Too many ups and downs and I’m looking for a happy medium anytime soon. John keeps reminding me how things are picking up, whatever happens, happens for a reason. And each day I do my best to remind myself that while life isn’t exactly how I planned it, that’s okay. I’m learning to accept things for how they are or do my best to learn how I can improve. It’s not just me anymore.

“I’m movin’ on,
at last I can see
life has been patiently waiting for me
and I know there’s no guarantees.
but I’m not alone.”
- Rascal Flats