Good and really crappy news
The okay part…Ash is with me until the 23rd. The crappy news…I was not awarded primary custody of Ashleigh, her dad was. Yeah. Needless to say I’m not in the greatest mood in my head, but I’m enjoying my time with Ash.
This blog was used against me as well as my bipolar disorder, both which I think have contributed and helped me in becoming a better mother for Ashleigh. Unfortunately, I have no heart left in my writing so will most likely take Panacea offline, as well as all pictures of Ash. I will not delete the domain, but any writing I do will be password protected so as to prevent any further use against me.
I am so very empty right now, I feel like everything I say here is in monotone and that’s because I have very little left in me. Thank you to everyone who supported me during this awful time and hopefully one day I’ll be as vibrant as I once was.
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thordora said,
August 14, 2007 @ 4:29 am
I’m sorry. My bipolar is held against a parent is beyond me. We don’t eat our young.
Jack said,
August 18, 2007 @ 8:01 am
I’m sorry to read that this blog, as well as your bipolar disorder, were used against you. As far as the blog goes, it’s beyond me what anyone could find negative, since you always wrote about your love for your daughter and posted many photos that confirmed that.
Fred said,
August 25, 2007 @ 3:22 am
We’ve still been praying for you. I know this is a tough time for you and I wish I could be there for you. If for nothing else than a shoulder to cry on or someone to sit and stare blankly with you on the couch.
You are amazingly strong and I’m glad you got the time you did to spend with Ash. Maybe next summer the two of you can fly out here for a week and Teylor & Ash can play.
Remember, Ash and I love you and she is beginning to see the big pictuer. Plus the Lord won’t give you anything He can’t handle. Call me anytime of day if you need to!
**HUGS**LOVES**
Genevieve
KansasSunflower said,
August 25, 2007 @ 5:35 am
I’m SO SORRY!!! How did your ex-h even know about this blog to use it against you? That is CRAPPY! How often do you get to see Ashleigh?
Vicki said,
August 29, 2007 @ 8:06 am
I’m so sorry to hear that
A girl *needs* her mama! Big hug to you.
Gabriel... said,
September 1, 2007 @ 7:47 pm
If blogging has become a part of your recovery, please don’t stop. There are a million plus one URLs you can choose from, so maybe starting an entirely new blog would be best. Just no names. If your disease is being used against you, then I’d suggest finding ways to prove it isn’t an issue with the kids… crap, that sounds so trite. But handing the judge an evaluation from your doctor saying that you’re improving or are more than capable, as well as telling anyone who’ll listen that the blog was/is/will always be mostly fictional or a place to meander in thought… well, it has to count for something. Fuck. Good luck… there’s always more time.