I could stand around the kitchen, leaning against the white tile, teeter tottering back and from counter to counter, discussing anthropology with my newest roommate for hours. Focusing on a summary of a Kathy Reichs books is not so entertaining. My mind is busy, body worn out and exhausted, yet my toes tap endlessly, continually fidgeting. The last week or so has been exciting, boring, frustrating and exhilarating all wrapped into the same time frame. It’s enough to leave me wrapped tight in a comforter on the couch, huddled while watching the twinkling Christmas lights, attempting to hide from the full moon sneaking upon me, brightening the sky as if in warning.

Of the nifty, nasty and dreadful I am thrilled to report the long lost Jay I was looking for a few years ago (and oddly enough a couple weeks ago), has been found. Actually, he found me and soon as I sent my number we’ve been talking on the phone regularly. I can’t even begin to describe how comforting it is to talk to a friend like it’s only be a couple days since that last conversation, not eleven years. Most amazing is how little Jay has changed and that we can be as honest and real with each other as in prior years. Sure, now we’re talking of children, college, but the friendship is still kicking ass and that well, it rocks.

Classify it as you wish, but my actions this last week have been quite sporadic, and pretty much nonsensical. I have been extremely forward in my dealing with others, saying exactly what I want, no hesitation (ok, a teeny bit). Perhaps it is my impatience, my desire for results now, not next week or next month. Possibly, I’m simply tired of sitting around wondering what others think, pondering possibilities and considering when I get to breathe a little bit of enjoyment into my chaotic life. No matter, I’ve been left questioning if this boldness is really me or mania talking. The unknown always shakes my stance momentarily, but I’ll continue with what seems to be the appropriate actions until some form of a conscience says otherwise.

My life never ceases to be interesting and I am grateful for the constant change; a stagnant existence would not be an existence.

“I’ve done the vilest things - the foulest things - but I’ve done them… superbly.” -June Miller, Henry & June