My last post was followed by a 45 minute session of punching a bag and I was so exhausted afterwards I was drained of anger. Whatever works!

Last night, it was sadness and for once I knew why. Unfortunately, life has a twisted way of giving me only a small taste of what I want and I’m dealing with the side affects.

This morning, it’s sensory overload big time, hightened by all the people asking me to do this, do that, placing stuff on my desk with the sudden lack of memory as to where my damn in box is. Gah. Too much. Too much to do and I can’t focus long enough to tackle one, then the other and so on.

I am encouraged, knowing soon, maybe even next month, I’ll have a pdoc, someone to see regularly. With such positive posibilities, I continue on, reminding myself it’s “one more day”, each day.

Ash and I have been battling along the power lines yet at the same time she has been such a strong force in my life I feel I would collapse without her. Saddens me to think it’s supposed to be the other way around. Last night she was the one encouraging me in the gym parking lot saying “don’t worry Mom, you’ll feel better after you work out” and then afterward “let’s just go get a treat, it’ll make you smile.” The other night I painted her nails, including little flowers with rhinestones and she sat still, patient, though giggly, and she thanked me for being the best mom ever. Sure, most kids say that to their parents, but I will never tire of those words, even when she tags on the “sweet butt”. Especially when I generally feel the opposite.

In addition to Ash, (or “butt crack” as she prefers to be called) I have been attempting to direct my jumbled mess of emotions to my artwork. I think I’ve been successful, as I finally slept well last night, a completed portrait resting on my end table. I’ll upload an image later, but not until my subject sees the final piece.

Writing has helped…I don’t feel like my head is spinning anymore, but there is still a large portion of the day remaining. Until then I’ll stay in my space, screaming “leave me alone!” in my head.