To quote Ashleigh’s favorite book (My Many Colored Days), today it’s been a “Gray Day…everything is gray. I watch. But nothing moves today”, a “purple day…I’m sad. I groan, I drag my tail. I walk alone.” and most of all a “Black day. Mad. And loud. I howl. I growl at every cloud.” So, yes, it’s a “mixed-up day” when “I don’t know who or what I am!”

This funk is tiresome and it only started yesterday evening. To top it off I have this intense sexual feeling and they’re both battling it out within my system. According to to Adrian I sent him a text message at 1:40 AM saying I was hearing transmitter noises, something I vaguely recall but will have to credit Sudafed for that experience. To say I’m out of it doesn’t quite cover all bases.

Last night I wanted to walk outside in the rain, but felt ultra crappy, with burning eyes and some nasty stuff taking over. I was tired, wanted to sleep it off and very, very horny, missing Ash like crazy, yet annoyed with her lately (have no idea why), and wanted go to the gym and work up a good sweat but felt so weak. Overnight the cold/allergies/bugger went away and was replaced by this funk that I have no idea what to do with. I even have that “I wanna just goooo” feeling, to drive and drive until I’ve reached a random destination and must turn around. I am aggitated, scowling at the world, but laughing at myself; sad and longing when I think of the unknown, yet singing to my music until my voice is hoarse…only to find myself wiping around my eyes and smiling at the inquisitive old lady waiting at the stoplight next to me.

I quite prefer the definite mood instigators over the randomness of late. The overall happiness was apparently temporary, but perhaps I can convince it to return in the near future. So long as I don’t slip into the depression that defies all sense of survival, because these days, I’m not sure I could make it through another sleep deprivation session. I’m crashing at 11PM on a regular basis, with only Sobe influencing a 1AM bedtime.

It’s not so bad, it’s just another perspective on life I’m trying out for now.

But it all
turns out all right,
you see.

And I go back
to being…
me.