I am still a bit tired, but not feeling the drag and pull as of the last couple weeks. The cause for this I don’t really care, and if it was due to the “mental reset” I dealt with the past couple days, so be it. Either way, I woke up feeling good and ready to tackle the world. It’s been a few weeks too long since I felt that and I’m glad to be back at em.

It’s entertaining to look back on yesterday, reading, remembering. I have so many things going on right now (looking for a job, catching up with Cashew Style, excelling in my classes) but it was so refreshing to do whatever, sole intent on passing time. That point, I’d say I reached it around 2:30AM this morning, when I was sooo tired, so frustrated I wanted to cry yet laugh the next minute…it was some sort of high. As if once I reached it I knew it was worth it. Perhaps this is all “in my head” but oh well, the end result is all I’m looking for, screw the process.

Earlier this evening I took my make-up exam for Anthro and I feel I did exceptionally well. Unusual, as I typically have a few moments of freaking out when he hands them to me. This time, even with some minor tremors, completely unrelated and pre-existing, and a nagging headache, I calming read the exam, tackled each section as I went. I only faltered on a couple, but at least they were the minimal point ones and really, I’m not too concerned. Such a welcome feeling, instead of walking out and feeling like I failed.

There are many times I have felt the overwhelming failure and while it momentarily sucks, all I can do is try harder, do something different, do what I can until I succeed. The phone call to my mother to inform her I lost my job was not one I looked forward to. Other than the dreaded “Oh dear”, I knew she would be upset and concerned. Yet this time, I told her and left it at that and asked if I would be okay. She knows. She knows I’ve been in worse situations (7 months pregnant and suddenly without a job wasn’t exactly a positive moment), and my mom also knows somehow I make it.

It saddens me that at 65 my parents aren’t doing well financial and I’m unable to help them. So I do the best I can at the moment and I reassure them I’m okay, I haven’t thrown anything (to Dad, he laughs, but understands), and that I am still trying. Eventually, I will achieve my various goals (one of them just happened but will be announced in October) and even though I haven’t done it all by 28, life still exists and continues on for me. I may have been their most difficult child (in their words) but I’ll take that as a compliment.