Awe
I do believe if I had psychotic tendencies (aside from being bipolar of course) my crime of choice would be arson. Not that I would actually do such a thing, as we all know I’m not pyschotic, but it’s a thought.
I was one of the awful gawkers on the 60 on the way to and from school, and just now the gym, doing my best to catch a glimpse of the fire a few miles over the hill. No, I don’t like knowing some homes were ruined, and over a 1,000 acres have already burned. Considering how much fire radiates a glow within me, it’s hard to not watch the flames as they climb the hill.
It’s amazing I never burned down the woods behind the place I grew up in. I used to pick a leaf and light it with a match to watch it burn and crinkle up, blowing it out just before my fingertips. Stupid, yes, especially since I did it often, but it was exciting, and full of warmth (I bet a psych doc would have a ball trying to analyze that).
Unfortunately, the air outside is now stifling, smelling worse than unwashed camping gear three weeks afterwards. The sky was nearly black when I left for class at 6:30PM, and parts of the road required high beams just to make it through in a safe manner. Flames seemed to have died down one my way home from the gym, and I do hope the firefighters are able to get beyond 15% contained tonight. Ashleigh loves playing outside, but just two minutes in this air is sickening to me, let alone what it’d do to her.
Time to go try and sleep. I’m proud of myself, in that I fought the insomnia and boredom demons at the same time. Making a trip to the gym and ceremoniously kicking my own ass has proved far more rewarding than driving to the gas station and buying Hostess Cupcakes.
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jack said,
October 22, 2003 @ 6:29 am
Got a little Pyro thing going on there, huh?
The acrid smell of that fire would bother me too.
Suzy said,
October 22, 2003 @ 10:03 am
You *should* be proud of yourself - that’s great!
BTW, my brother used to be quite the little arsonist when he was a kid. Now he’s a volunteer fireman. So you *can* channel those urges in a good way (eventually)!