???
Not exactly something I want to admit, but we’re so broke right now we can’t afford my Lithium refill. Shelves are stocked (somewhat) of food, and John has gas money for work, and I just ran out of Lithium a couple days ago.
One may not think this too much of an issue, and I’ve already been told by someone “oh, just wait, you’ll get your meds, start taking them again, no biggie”. Um, yeah. Wish it were so easy. Similar to some anti-depressants, and what many doctor’s and drug companies fail to disclose, there are some serious withdrawals symptoms when you stop taking Lithium. If I had remembered this, and if I had realized ahead of time and noticed I was running low, I would’ve spread my last week’s supply out.
I am so completely drained. The past week I have been unable to get a decent night’s sleep (six hours is all I’m asking, really), thanks to the sudden insomnia that has taken over. The worst part, it’s not even a productive one, where I can work on sites, work on homework, clean, whatnot. It’s a frantic, panicky feeling that just won’t go away until I collapse with exhaustion around 2 or 3 in the morning. I’m unable to concentrate on anything, and when I do read a book, I have to reread everything a couple times.
Then there’s the crying fits for no reason, for stupid reasons, and constant. My patience is non-existent with Ash. And it kills me when she’s looking at me puzzled, because I’m crying, when two seconds before I was tickling her and laughing. I feel like I’m going crazy. I’ve been told in the past that it’s all in my head, and lately I wish it was. I try so hard to stop all this, to force myself to go to bed, to stop crying, to feel sane, but it comes right back again.
It’s times like this when I realize and despise my need for Lithium. I hate being dependant on anything, but it’d be stupid to struggle without it. Damn, give me caffeine headaches any day of this crap.
RSS
Angie said,
February 26, 2003 @ 11:11 am
I won’t admit how much your withdrawal sounds like my everyday life. I’ve been med-free for about 5 years now. Mainly because I wasn’t convinced that the docs knew what the hell was wrong with me.
Anyfrigginway…sending some win-the-lottery vibes your way hon. And some patience to hold you over until you can get your refill.
I’m always up till 2-3am. Drop me a line if you need to.
Cheryl said,
February 26, 2003 @ 11:51 am
All I can say is {{hugs}}. While my depression is different from yours, I’m at a down point too. Thinking of you.
Sam said,
February 26, 2003 @ 6:16 pm
Hang in there, for what it’s worth. Your new site design rocks, btw.
bitter joe said,
February 27, 2003 @ 5:43 pm
it will all work out. hang in there.
Your best mental buddy...Genevieve said,
March 3, 2003 @ 8:49 pm
My mental problems are different than yours, but I know how you feel. We all feel messed up. But you know I love you and I’m here for you if you need an IM to lean on…lol
Ailina said,
March 11, 2003 @ 10:36 pm
Have you gotten your refill yet? God, I hate this for you. I’m so sorry. I wish there was something I could do. Please keep writing. *hugs*