Words
I’ve had a card I purchased at least a month ago, sitting in front of me, waiting to be written in and mailed. The card is for my Grandma in Oregon, and for the first time in a long time, it says exactly what I wanted it to. But it still sit here, waiting, because I can’t just send off a blank card with only Ashleigh’s picture included.
What am I supposed to say to a Grandma I don’t even know? I know she always for purple and pin polyester with coordinating jewelry, and has one glass eye. I remember her shaky voice, even from when I was a kid, and I know she drinks buttermilk. I know she blames herself for the Stickler’s Syndrome we all suffer through, and I know she love flowers. I know she didn’t call, or even send a note when it was known I was expecting, or when Ashleigh was born. My Mom says Grandma wants to see everyone soon, but I know it is only because she is dying.
The card reads
I love the way the poppy blooms–only for one day-so colorfully and so expressively.
(inside)
Imagine being able to say everything you want in just one day…
I realize it is not completely my Grandma’s fault we didn’t know each other, as she has always lived in a different state than I have. Yet is it hard to feel empathy for someone who has turned her back on me. I lived the JW life, escaped when I could, but it is still extremely difficult for me to understand how others can justify how they treat family members. How dare she (and my Aunt and Uncle) shun and treat my sister and nephew as if they don’t exist. How selfish of them to state they are only doing this because “they love us”.
I grew up with a small family as it was, never knew any of my Grandpas, and loved my Grandma Hansen to pieces. It seems so completely unfair that the one Grandma to remain alive long enough to have the chance to meet my daughter doesn’t care to. It makes me happy knowing Grandma Hansen met my nephew before she died, but oh how I wish she were alive and the judgemental and self-righteous one was not.
Harsh, but how it is.
I KNEW my Grandma Hansen. She made me laugh when she asked about “any new boyfriends” when I was twelve. She showed me pictures of her hanggliding, and shared stories of her travels. She made me dream, and hope of being an amazing woman someday. Not once did she spell my name right, but when she hugged me, it was real.
So what do I say to an 87-year old woman I hardly know, who is dying of Parkinson’s disease? Is it wrong that I feel angry at her even though she is the weaker, the one unable to eat?
I really don’t know what to say. Generally she is a sweet little old lady and one would think me crazy for saying anything negative about her. But it is difficult to put aside hurt feelings to write anything meaningful without it seeming as if token words.
RSS
Ailina said,
February 2, 2003 @ 2:51 am
I believe a signature would suffice. I’m sure she’s probably thought of all these things. You know the old adage, “Some things are better left unsaid”…”Silence speaks louder…” and so on. The picture will drive home any sentiments, I’m sure.
liz said,
February 2, 2003 @ 5:56 am
I agree, the card speaks loud and clear. I could be wrong but when days are numbered I’m sure people think hard about their life and even if not especially their regrets. I don’t know for sure but she might be feeling very apologetic right now. Sign the card, send it and make peace. *hugs*
Alicia said,
February 2, 2003 @ 5:49 pm
I guess I always imaged just a signature as to be rude, but I suppose in this situation it would be appropriate.
This whole issue is one that I knew I would have to deal with in the future but I didn’t want to, so I hadn’t thought about it before now. Sigh.